More Garden Porn

Today, a mere three (3!) days after my last garden post, we're thrilled to brag about our harvest. In fact, we're even proud of everything that is not tomato-related, which is impressive, since we're like 70% tomato-focused. Regardless, this is what I harvested from the non-tomato plants today, and I couldn't help but think...yummm!



Altogether, however, our tomato-based harvest outweighs the rest:



Let's celebrate the squash (the striped green and the yellow), the misshapen red onion (ahhh... the adorable foibles of the un-knowledgeable gardner) and its perfect small red onion companion (planted by a more knowledeable gardner 1-2 seasons later...), the garlic, the okra (seriously, you are missing out if you don't have okra in your life), the eggplant (hell yeah!), the cucumber, and of course, after all of this, we'll get to the tomatoes.

First: Our cherry and small size tomato harvest has begun to reach epic proportions. I dare you to declare otherwise:



Second: Our larger slicing tomato selection has started to become educational:



In order, starting at the top left, we have:

- 2 stiletz tomatoes (why? why did I grow these? I have plenty of sun and heat?); followed by
- 1 brandywine red lantis (so sweet. Smaller than expected, but we may save seeds and grow again, nonetheless).
- 1 thessoloniki waiting for full ripeness. If I can, I'll post photos of the slices.
- Next row: 1 super marzano (paste); 1 marvel stripe (gorgeous when sliced, can't wait), 2 orange russian 117 (oxheart/pear-shaped!!! woo-hoo!); 1 white oxheart.
- Last row: 2 black krim (purple black); 2 black from tula (lighter brown-black); 2 Paul Robeson (full chocolate black)

Finally, I am disturbed by the beauty of red current -- it produces much teensy tiny, impossible to harvest, frustrating fruit. Delicious, but annoying fruit that refuses to ripen on the same schedule and each one is entirely too small to deal with. And yet, how gorgeous is she?

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Tomato Time is Coming!

We aren't at full production, but we're definitely seeing ripe fruit on at least half of the varieties. Today's harvest was impressive:



It inspired me to make an all-tomato lunch. E and I each had the pleasure of tasting and comparing large slices from several beauties:



In clockwise order, that's White Oxheart, Thessoloniki, Ananas Noir, Kentucky Beefsteak, Brandywine Red Lantis, Green Zebra, and Black Krim. All delicious. E's favorite for taste was Thessoloniki, then Brandywine Red Lantis, then White Oxheart. I couldn't decide between White Oxheart, Ananas Noir, or Black Krim for overall taste, but truly, they are all excellent, it just depends on what you want (more/less acidity, more/less gel sacs, seeds, or meat, more/less sugar).

This year, Cynthia introduced me to the awesomeness that is oxheart tomatoes -- pointed on the end and shaped more like a bell pepper, often with whispy droopy foliage. Thanks to her glowing reviews, we're growing several: White Oxheart, Orange Russian 117, Sweet Horizon, and Japanese Black Trifele.

So far, White Oxheart is the only plant that has ripe fruit:



What a pleasure -- the fruit production is prolific, and they are slightly sweet with medium acid. The best part, though, is that while they are the size of a beefsteak, they have the consistency of a paste tomato (lots of meat, little seeds). In other words, we look forward to roasting these, slicing them for sandwiches (won't make the bread soggy!), and eating 'em easily with a knife and fork all summer -- if there are too many at the end, they'll make great fried green tomatoes and sauces.

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Niece-week lessons

1. If you can get the kid interested in the habit -- it'll happen. Turns out, my niece loves yoga. And waking her up isn't too much fun. The first few minutes in the morning, she is groggy, tired, whiny, etc. So, when I suggested we do yoga every morning, and she thought this was a great idea, I was thrilled. 10 minutes of physical activity does wonders towards killing the groggy, tired & whiny.

End result? I've done more Sun Salutations this week than I have since last winter holidays, when I was *on vacation* and headed to the yoga studio every day. No way would I have had the focus and dedication to do sun salutations every morning, especially the mornings after I'd already ran and we were pressed for time. But, if the kid wants to do up-dog, down-dog, plank, warrior 1, breathing, etc. before sugar cereals in milk (because, hello, I'm one of the cool aunts. I get to provide the sugar cereal treats!) -- then by all means, we're doing it.

2. I work more than I realize. This week, I finally realized that on an average week night, I send 5 emails between the hours of 7:00 and midnight when I think of myself as *not working.* It's too easy -- go to bathroom, check the email (both personal and work), write a quick response. Spend time surfing and if something comes in (either personal or work), write a quick response. Also, I've learned that regardless of what's going on, I explicitly check work email at least once before sleep and, usually, I end up scheduling at least one call to discuss the emergencies that have arisen and need to be dealt with the next day.

This week, with a child, I'm truly not working *for reals* for many of the hours between 7:00 and midnight. Not even the little bit that I didn't used to count. So those emails don't go out. And I'm less responsive. Clients are less happy. The next day is more stressful. In other words, if I were to have a child (which I'm not planning to do), areas where I don't even think of myself as productive would suffer. And I probably wouldn't be able to predict how it would affect me, because I wouldn't even notice I was productive in those areas until they were gone.

3. The entertainment value of a child changes the work-reward analysis. I found that it was much easier to get over my bad/boring/frustrating days at work this week because I came home to someone with an inquisitive mind with happy stories to tell full of wonder, questioning, and just general good will. She really caused me to think and question my viewpoint on a regular basis. It was so rewarding that, I understood, in a very clear way, how, if I had a (couple of) kid(s), I could choose a job or career options that are less fascinating, challenging or rewarding in exchange for more financial, temporal, or location stability because the kid(s) would be providing much of the emotional and mental stimulation that I needed.

I think that covers the big ones.

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Bar Exam Takers: Now is the time to Breathe

Just breathe between now and the end of the exam.

I found it helpful to read everything I could about people's actual experience taking the exam to prepare myself for the experience, so if you're interested in doing the same, the link to all my posts is here.

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Getting Out

I've got two close friends who are currently struggling through divorces, a friend who is in the middle of leaving his partner of 10 years, and my brother who has been dealing with the acceptance of his role as a father in the face of his daughter's mother's new love and their baby, his daughter's half-sister (and he's handling it beautifully--I'm so proud!).

When I talk to these folks, their experiences make it clear that it is always difficult to extricate yourself from close relationships, and that the difficulties are both public and private.

My mom walked away from a few relationships that were bad for her during my life. Watching it happen, I'm certain I learned some very important lessons about standing up for myself. And yet, when it comes up, I get the sense that she may be embarrassed that she didn't leave as early as she wishes she would have, or that she wishes she hadn't gotten involved at all. I can't help but wonder if we all don't feel this way about some of the relationships in our lives?

Also, I recently found myself at a party where I learned from the mother of a close family friend (but an acquaintance of mine) that he was getting divorced too. Weird, right? To learn intimate relationship details about someone you have spoken to on a monthly basis, when he hasn't mentioned anything? To realize your last, "say hi to the wife" adieu when you hung up the most recent call was probably horrific to him, since at the time she'd moved out, was living with her parents several states away, and he was dating again?

All of these people taking formal steps to exit and/or formally modify the public treatment of their relationships result in quite a bit of pain and awkwardness, not just for themselves, but for others who thought they understood the nature of their relationship too.

When I imagine if E was to take these types of actions towards me or vice versa, it is very painful. But, when I can back up from the empathetic pain, it's also been very inspiring. The courage to make those choices is not easy to come by and I'm proud of each of these people for finally making the difficult decisions (and dealing with the necessarily awkward explanations) so that they can redirect the course of their lives.

One of the things that is healthy about *not* being in a committed monogamous sexual relationship is that life is fluid. When you are trying on potential life-partners for size, you are constantly re-evaluating the healthiness of your most committed physical/emotional relationship(s), and thus, at least for me, I think it was easier to evaluate every other relationship as well. But, once a person commits to the largest emotional relationship in their life and, potentially, children that are supported by that relationship, most people probably let up on the constant relationship re-evaluation (which is a good thing).

The tricky thing is -- if you are in this situation, many of the other relationships in your life are not committed at the same level and probably should continually be reevaluated. Some will naturally evolve and dissolve. But some may actually need you to take some sort of action to force the evolution or dissolution.

So, for me, Penelope's most recent post was perfectly timed.

Before taking multiple gasps of Holy Shit! while reading it, I'd been having floating thoughts about getting out of or putting space into relationships and how it seems to be something that is happening to many people in my life (myself included), but I had no cohesive idea of my current belief system.

I knew it was important to know when to get out of unhealthy relationships. I knew it was important to be able to draw your own lines to try to heal an unhealthy relationship. I knew that you were never really in a relationship unless you were actually in it, and thus, you couldn't really ever say, fully, whether someone else needed out of theirs.

But, I also knew that after a while, if its been unhealthy for some time, outsiders see enough that they can often make observations and judgment calls about the relationship that turn out to be right more often than not.

For me, today's lesson, is that sometimes people (like me) are so tied up in the image of who they want to convey themselves as, or how they don't want to inconvenience, embarrass, confuse, or make others feel awkward, that they perpetuate relationships, or the facade of relationships, long after the relationships are probably best abandoned. And, further, that when people are in the "perpetuate for the sake of perpetuation mode", it can be very clear to outsiders that the relationship is most likely very unhealthy.

So, in my ever-changing quest to become a more present person, I'm going to try to pay more attention to the day-to-day *reality* of my relationships as opposed to my ideal of what they have been, or, could, should, or would be.

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A lesson in communication

Why didn't you tell me I was signed up for Day Care?

Uhhh... (Oh, shit. I didn't tell her that, explicitly. I told her she was going to day camp. I told her I'd pick her up at 5 PM. But camp ends at 3:30 PM, and there was extended care for which I'd signed her up. And I hadn't told her.)

I'm sorry. I should have told you that. You were probably very confused.

Yes. I waited a long time for you to come pick me up. Even though they told me I was on the list. I thought they must be wrong because you didn't tell me I had day care.

Man. If she were an adult, I'd probably be thinking about the many things I did that *hinted* that she had day care. The reasons she should have figured it out because, you know, I have a job during work hours, and she was on the list, and I said I'd pick her up at 5 PM, and, I'm sure I'd come up with more.

But she's a child. And my first response was to accept my errors, apologize for anything and everything I could explain, and to empathize.

I would like to have this response to adults as well. I think it would greatly increase my quality of life.

Interestingly enough, this response is exactly what I should be trying to do in all areas of my life according to the content of the cheesiest book title ever (Nonviolent Communication? Yeah, there's cheesy poetry in it, too. I read it in Alaska, and at times, I couldn't help but think the author was deliberately trying to incite a force-yourself-to-learn-from-your-ridiculousness response from the types of people who need this book (like me)).

Anyways. Today was instructive. I'd like to be able to listen through people's questioning of my performance and be able to hear the confusion, hurt, and sadness that was so obvious in my niece's voice today. Hearing it made me respond in such a positive manner. Clearly, I need to *listen*.

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Psuedo-Parent Week

We've got my niece all of this week. She is a bouncing 7 1/2 year-old ball of energy.

Quick.

Opinionated.

Exhausting.

But so adorable.

Today's Lessons:

1. 30 minutes in the grocery store with a 7 1/2 year-old is about 3-times as expensive and 5-times more tiring than the same 30 minutes on my own.

2. It takes about 2 hours to finish all of the tasks related to "going to bed."

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