RNR Recovery and Amsterdam

I've been super lazy on the workout front ever since I bailed on the San Jose Rock 'n Roll Half.

How Lazy?  Well, let's just say I did Bikram the day after, and then didn't do a single workout until arriving in Amsterdam the AM of 10/12, whereupon I commenced my standard travel cross-training regimen of personal physical transit coupled with all the good local beer, wine, and food that my belly can handle.

Amsterdam is a beautiful city full of canals and bikes.  (Also, it is a direct flight from SFO and a good, fun weekend layover city if you're headed to Barcelona). 

It's such a bike-friendly city that our hotel had bikes for free use.  We took full advantage and it was awesome.  I did much walking, biking, and sight-seeing, but no running in Amsterdam.  So, despite several miles of non-running self-propelled transport, and some bikram, I completed my first run-free week in quite some time.  (Also, I was ridiculously relaxed.  I'm hoping these two facts are unrelated.)

Typical Intersection with bike and walk lights

Rijksmuseum

One of too many canals to name

Gorgeous street night view. 

Self-explanatory.

Night bike and canal view.

Royal Palace

One of many ridiculous red light district views.

Red light district part 2.

Transitioning out of the red light district...

A fashion alley to make @Arvay proud...

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Barcelona: A Short Story

On our last full day in Barcelona, after an awesome Bikram Class, I went in search of delicious goodies to take with us on our next travel leg. Since it treated us so well last time, I originally planned to go to to the Boqueria, or Mercat St. Josep:

The Entrance to the Boqueria on La Rambla

One of the many awesome preserved meat vendors.

Fruits

Escargots (en Catalan) -- one of the examples of how Catalan sometimes makes more sense than Spanish to me.  I do *not* know the word for snail off the top of my head in Spanish, but I do in French, and it's pretty close to the Catalan.

So many delicious olives!

And while I love food markets in general, my real goal was to re-create the scene below, only with me doing the selection of meat instead of E.

Because we'd already seen the Boqueria, and there are so many markets in Barcelona, I decided to walk to one that was well-reviewed, less touristy, and closer to our hotel:  The Mercat de Sant Antoni.

It was a lovely walk.

Tortoise Sculpture Under Naked Children

Typical intersection -- love the trees, ironwork, architecture and pedestrian and bike-friendliness of this city.

Unfortunately, despite checking the website for hours and concluding I should be able to get there during operating hours, my plan had a flaw:

Not what I wanted to see...

Looks like a gorgeous market that will be even better when the reconstruction is finished.

Even with the disappointment, this story has a happy ending.  The supermarket near our hotel had several displays like the one below, plus aisles upon aisles of preserved awesomeness and a bakery and a butcher ready to slice anything and everything I might desire.  Did I mention I love this country?  

In keeping with tradition, we will have amazing sandwiches on our travel leg out of Spain.

The End.

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2013 Goals, Q3 check-in

Oh, boy.  Quite a bit has changed in my life since I set my 2013 Goals.  Essentially, I'm off-course on almost all of them.

Running:  I'm 2 for 6.  Yikes.  The only two running goals I managed to hit this year were:

1) run the Rock 'n Roll AZ to the best of my abilities. Didn't quite go sub 2, but it was my best race in the last year and a half, so I'll take it.

2) complete the SLO marathon.

The other 4 where I whiffed?

-I did not complete the full McMillan training plan for the LA Marathon.  Life got in the way quite a bit and I had to do several substitutions.

-I did not finish the LA Marathon.  Instead,  I had my first marathon DNF.

-I was unable to go to China in May as a result of E's work obligations.  Thus, by default, I did not complete the Great Wall Half marathon.  I did, however, get to enjoy paying for the full registration fee, including multiple days of hotels -- all of which were non-refundable.  Ouch.

Health:  I did a great job early in the year, but I've been slowly sliding.  I didn't complete all the classes in that referenced Bikram 10-class card.  I've got a new card and I'm hopeful I may make it through on this one.  My diet definitely suffered during the Summer and the scale informs me that I'm the heaviest I've been in my 30s.  I've always been on the fence about vitamins, and after the recent brouhaha, I've decided to retreat to my historical position -- I should try to eat a diet that gives me all the vitamins and minerals I need.  I do, however, have an awesome garden this year.  So that's good. And, my sleep is better this year than it has been, historically, but it's definitely been worse in Q2 and Q3 than it was in Q1 when I originally set my goals.  (In a corollary, work has been getting increasingly crazy as the year has worn on.)

Books:  Well, I blew through the easy goal of 12 audiobooks.  I've been devouring them like mad -- I'm already at 30.  I think I'll probably have to take audiobooks off the goals list entirely for next year.  It's just part of my habits now.  (Albeit one of the most enjoyable habits I have).  As for the written word, I'm currently at 12 books.  It should be interesting to see if I can pick up the pace and get through the supposedly easy goal of 24 total.  Given all the upcoming travel, I give it 1:1 odds.

Language:  My Mandarin studies basically fell apart once I had to cancel the trip to China in May.  I'll likely do some refresher studies before we leave for the China trip this Fall, but truly, I lost my drive.  In addition to the canceled trip, my Mandarin group stopped meeting regularly, and my weekly Mandarin dinner night died when my teacher left for several months of travel.  Now that I'm going to Spain before China, part of me wants to spend some time brushing up on my Spanish instead of Mandarin.  So, maybe I'll do that instead and if I do, I'll consider it a success of sorts.       

Travel:  So, I planned the China trip, but we were unable to execute it.  However, this year has been and looks like it will be one of the biggest and most complex travel years we've ever had.  We already did a visit to Bermuda.  In addition to weekly visits to SF, we've still got Amsterdam, Barcelona, Shanghai, Shenzhen, Hong Kong, Sydney, and South Island New Zealand on the calendar before 2014 hits.

Stay at Home Weekends:  E and I agreed to modify the definition of "home" weekends to include any weekend where we spent the entire time within a couple hours of driving distance in the greater bay area.  Early in the year, it became apparent that we don't spend even close to 1/2 of our weekends at "Home" if that means we have to sleep there for all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights.  Even with the modification, it looks like I probably failed on this one.  If we keep all of our current travel plans, I will have only spent 25 weekends this year completely within the bay area, with a large percentage of the away nights coming in Q4.  I'm comfortable that this is "close enough" to the annual goal of 26, but I also know that with the frequency of away nights in Q4, after the start of 2014, I'm going to desperately want to be a homebody for a while.

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Random

**GARDEN UPDATE**

Part of the explanation for the low mileage and lack of disciplined fitness commitment the last few months is how much work and how enjoyable it is to do gardening (and slow roasting, and sauce-canning, and gift-giving) when this is the weekend harvest:

**BIKRAM/RUNNING UPDATE**

Last week, I managed a lackluster 21.68 miles and it was clear that I needed to buckle down.  So, I drafted a training plan for SJ RNR. It required that I commit on a few levels.  I started with a difficult one for me, first thing -- Back to Bikram.

As scheduled on the plan, today, I sucked it up and returned to the Bikram hot room for the first time in almost 4 months.  On the drive in, I realized I was actually *scared*.  This studio is no joke, and they keep the room at a much hotter temperature than anywhere else I've ever practiced Bikram.

It was very interesting to recognize that I was scared but I was still going to do my best to execute on my plan -- I was going to walk in, buy a 10 class (3 month card), and I was going to do my best to stay in that damn hellish room for the full 90 minutes even if it felt like I was going to die.  (Let's be clear -- despite seriously considering an exit on multiple occasions during the class, I never actually felt anything like I was going to die, and if I did, I would have stood up and gotten the fuck out of there so quickly they wouldn't have known what happened. Sorry about the "do my best" hyperbole, but I had to engage in it to psych myself up for today's return to the hot room.  Forgive me.)  Also, I opted out of a ridiculous percentage of the poses, and, as per the Bikram thing -- I got hot enough to take off my shirt and I had to look straight into mirror and contemplate the current reality of my body in a sports bra and boy shorts while sweating and contorting.  Yup.  Bikram is hard-core on every axis.  I'm not sure if this is good or bad.  But it's true.

Somehow, while almost leaving at minute 44, I managed to stick it out for the remaining 46 and I left proud.  Exhausted.  Sweat-covered and ready to attack the rest of my day, which, frankly, seemed super easy after that madness.

Oh.  Right.  That's why I do this.

Also, in a magical coincidence, the rest of my day was super easy.  Thanks, clients! (Or Bikram-God.  Whatever.)

**GUITO UPDATE**

He continues to grow and he is super cute.  That is all.

**AND FINALLY**

If you know someone who regularly does canning, they probably have plenty of jars (and if they don't, new ones come with bands and lids), and they *definitely* have plenty of bands.

So, Public Service Announcement: LIDS ARE THE ONLY DISPOSABLE COMPONENT OF CANNING SUPPLIES! -- these are the gifts you should give your canning friends. (From me, with a cupboard full of bands and jars.  And a dearth of new lids in the midst of the canning madness that this Summer's prolific garden is causing...)

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Easing Off

Last night, speedwork at the track was great, cardiovascular-wise. 4 X 1000 @ 8:10ish and each one was nice and easy on the lungs and heart.  I felt like I could have done mile repeats or longer at that pace without any additional trouble, when it comes to blood, oxygen, and energy.

Unfortunately, blood, oxygen, and energy aren't the only things that matter with running.

Turns out, my left hip, my right hamstring, and my left tibialis were all *pissed* at me.  Even with the Monday rest day, the weekend's total mileage of 26.6 as the tail end of 3 consecutive 40+ mileage weeks after a lazy year of non-high-volume was a bit much, apparently.  I'm good about listening to my body when it's mad, so, I cut off the last interval and called it at 4 instead of 5.  I definitely could have finished the 5th one, but it felt like the right thing to do.  Perhaps I should have stopped earlier, but I was excited about how easy the pace felt and I hadn't had a fun fast track workout in so long -- I didn't want it to end.  I just felt so effortless and I was imaging how Thursday's 10K Turkey Trot was going to be great.

Except, of course, the inflammation and annoying pain in the joints that are not happy with me just kept increasing over the course of the evening.  By bedtime, I predicted to E that I probably shouldn't race the 10K Turkey Trot (thank goodness the registration fee goes to support local food banks, so I don't feel like I'm wasting anything), but that maybe I'd run it slowly.

Then, I woke no less than 4 times in the middle of the night with shin pain on my left leg.  This was *not* good.  A smarter person than me would have taken an anti-inflammatory on one of those wake-ups.  I just rubbed my leg and fell back asleep.

Today, I woke and iced immediately.  I took a rest day (actually, I tried to go to Bikram, but my local studio is very good about locking out the late people who can't get their shit together and would interrupt class without a locked door to stop them.  I took it as a sign and wrote off the rest of the day, workout-wise).  Instead of working out, I won the Chinese foot spa lottery and actually got a masseuse who knew her stuff.  She worked magic on my shins and feet and calves.

Come dinner, I was feeling better, wanting to race, but, also suspicious and concerned I could really screw up CIM if I did so. At dinner, my left shin suddenly started to throb again after at least 6 hours of comfort.  I looked down to see that my foot was resting on the disk supporting the table. A one-inch incline in my foot position from heel to toe could cause throbbing even though I didn't even realize my foot was in a weird position.

It was time to own it: I'm on the edge of getting shin splints.

So, I iced again after dinner and I'm not running the 10K tomorrow.  I know myself.  If I start it, I'll finish it, even if I'm in pain and it's stupid to do so.  Also, given my cardiovascular ability to run faster than I have in a while (while being heavier than I usually am when I can run this fast), I'm likely to do something really stupid and run too fast and injure myself.  So, I'm cutting myself off.

Instead, I'm going to do a hip-opening power-yoga home DVD and I'm going to go watch the Elite races at the Fastest Turkey Trot in the Country for inspiration.

As much as this decision sucks, I'm proud of myself for being honest about what I need to do to give myself the best chance of having a good race at CIM.

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Grinning Goodbye To Summer

Summer always seems to bring us wonderful excesses of travel, barbeque, too much food, wine, and celebration.

After the fun has ended, E and I try to impose our own version of reasonable restraint/limited abstinence upon ourselves.

So far this week we've been successful.  We've avoided almost all social activity, have slept at least eight hours each night, and have successfully refrained from all processed grains, alcohol, meat (except fish, once), and tried to fit in more exercise including some good evening yoga.

In addition to garden salads and soups for dinner, I've been enjoying smoothies for lunch.  I love the treat of blended dark leafy greens, garden cucumbers, bananas, and berries.  Delicious, healthy, and light.

On Tuesday, after my liquid lunch, I went to the post office, the UPS store, and visited the bank teller in person.

On the drive back to the home office, I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear-view mirror and realized the *other* benefit of the smoothie lunch:

A widely speckled grin of berry skins and leafy green bits, for all to enjoy.

(Hey USPS, UPS, and bank teller, next time can I get a heads up please?)

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The Little Things

It's the end of the fiscal quarter, so, of course, my work is a madhouse. I've let my sleep, exercise, and eating patterns regress each day for about a month now.

So, today, after E headed out for a 6:30 AM flight, I decided I, too, could have some discipline and made some time for Bikram yoga. It was my first time back in the studio in 4 weeks, and, as I expected it was ridiculously hard.

We had a visiting instructor from Bikram Yoga Harlem, Derrek, and he ran a tough, hot class. As I always do, I felt great afterward, and I walked out of the room with a renewed commitment to taking care of myself.

After class, I spoke with Fernanda, a visiting teacher from a Bikram studio in Mexico city. She and her son are here for 12 days, visiting her sister's family, and her daughter who is doing her Junior Year as an exchange student at a local high school.

When I asked how her daughter was enjoying her time in California, she said,

Well, it's just such a wonderful experience for her. To be in high school and to be safe to walk and bike everywhere? It's so much independence. So she's very much enjoying the freedom to walk and bike and to not to have to rely upon someone to drive her everywhere.

A much needed perspective.

I may think there are stressful events in my life. But really? Not so much.

I am very lucky to live in a very safe part of the world and I have no excuse if I don't make the most of that safety.

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Bikram 10-day Challenge: Day 12

Yeah, you read that right. I didn't make day 10. Or day 11. But I did make it today for the 10th Bikram Class in 12 days.

Not quite the goal I'd set for myself. And yet, I still feel great. Ten 90-minute bikram classes (aka torture sessions) in 12 days. Despite my chaotic life? That feels like success to me.

How'd I miss day 10? An argument with E that ran overtime. So un-yoga. And yet, so true. Life does stuff like arguments that cause you to lose track of time.

And then, day 11 had no space for a class. So I re-arranged day 12 (despite the fact that it was the last stateside day before a 10-day international vacation) to fit in the class.

And, I did the whole thing, today. Tired (exhausted due to lack of pre-travel sleep, if I'm honest), but committed to finishing out the full 10 days of focused practice before leaving for vacation. I managed to do a more pose-by-pose approach this time around which allowed me to do my best in most poses, although I did opt out after 5 seconds in the first Camel. Man, that pose just wrecks me...

Overall, the big picture lessons I can say I learned are:

1. A big goal is great. Even if you miss it by 10%, you still do more than you otherwise would have done without it.
2. Laundry demands from Bikram are insane. Seriously, I have no idea how anyone without a line for drying or a housekeeper deals with the dripping wet towels and costumes on a daily basis.
3. Starting is the hardest part. Almost every class I took during my challenge I was able to watch a newbie (the first class, it was me!). Since I'd so recently been one, I felt for them. Starting and getting through the first standing series was by far the hardest part for me and based on observations, it looks like that's generally true.

I suppose this is the point where I wax eloquent about feeling comfortable failing. I learned during this challenge, that apparently, the athlete's approach of "this is my goal training plan" but I'll call it success if I hit 85% or 90% is totally unknown in the business world.

How weird.

I think my favorite approach is shoot for the far away stars. Just don't forget to reward yourself if you merely establish something cool in your own solar system.

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10-day Bikram Challenge: Day 9

8 AM class was the only option that worked with my schedule.

So, I managed to motivate for the early wake up, packed street clothes, busted through the entire series with something bordering on ease, and then showered and headed out for my day.

I pushed to the deepest I've gone in many of the poses, in particular, the backbends. Camel still gave me a bit of trouble with some dizziness, but overall, I was much more comfortable than I have been.

I spent much of the class being thoroughly impressed by a woman in her 60s who was struggling through her first class. She did amazingly well and stayed in the room for the entire 90+ minutes despite her friend's quick exit after pranayama breathing.

And now, I can't believe tomorrow is day 10.

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Bikram 10-day Challenge: Day 8

Today's schedule didn't allow for anything other than the 6 AM Bikram class.

Yup, discipline is definitely one of the benefits of this challenge. I put myself to bed early and woke at 5:30 to fit in today's class.

It was tough to get out of bed at that hour, but I was rewarded with a pleasant experience -- the room wasn't too warm when I showed up, so I warmed up slowly with the room. I took it relatively easy, but made sure to complete all of the poses. I pushed through both camels in the full posture, which isn't something I've done thus far. Overall, this was the least uncomfortable and easiest experience I've had with the series.

And then, it was 7:30 and I was ready to start my day.

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Bikram 10 Day Challenge: Day 7

This morning's class was the best one so far -- I made it through the entire series without opting out of any of the poses. I handled the heat much better than normal, so I was able to push myself deeper in many of the poses (no doubt I'll be sore tomorrow).

Waking at 7:30 to go to Bikram took a bit of motivation, but now I'm so glad I did it.

I feel relaxed and energized, all at the same time.

3 to go.

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Bikram 10-day challenge: Day 6

Showing up for class #6 today meant that I was more than half-way done.

I rewarded myself by buying a fancy yoga mat and a 20 class card (the special for new students is $250 for 20 classes, but you have to purchase during the 10-day trial period). The classes expire in 6 months, so when I get back from Cambodia, I'll have about 5.5 months to get through 20 classes. If I assume a few travel snags, that puts me on track for a minimum of one class per week when I'm home. Ideally, I'd like to do more (possibly 3 or 4), but I like the idea that at I'm financially committed to at least one class per week after Cambodia.

Today's class was the most crowded class I've attended so far (apparently there are many weekend warriors in Bikram).

Z, the new student from yesterday, came back and stayed through the entire class. We waived hello at the beginning and high-fived at the end.

The heat and humidity felt like it was much harder for me than the last couple of classes, but whenever I looked, the thermometer appeared to be in the 104-105F range rather than inching up to 108 or 107 as it had in prior classes. Perhaps all the sweat and exhalation from that many people noticeably increases the humidity? Or, perhaps more realistically, last night's date night full of fancy food and wine made efficiently handling the heat a bit difficult on my system?

I rested during the first bow pulling pose, tree pose (but did tree instead of toe-stand), and the second half lotus pose. I wanted to opt out of more of the poses, or, just leave the room on several occasions, so I was struggling quite a bit.

Tomorrow, my goal is going to be to focus on completing the pose I'm doing. Nothing more, nothing less. I think I get wrapped up in how much of the class is left, how tired and uncomfortable I already am, and I spend too much time thinking about how the class might play out, which interferes with my ability to focus and just be in the current pose.

That being said, I definitely pushed several of the poses today to levels I haven't reached in a long time. How do I know? Oh, my hamstrings, lower back, and shoulders are more sore today than they have been since I started this process.

It would appear, at least in my case, there's something to Bikram's claim that the heat makes it a safer practice. I definitely wasn't trying to push the limits of my strength or flexibility (or even really making myself too sore) the first few classes. Instead, I was entirely focused on surviving the heat.

Tomorrow, I've got 2 options, 8 AM or 10 AM. I'd love to get up and bust it out by 8, but sleeping in may trump. We'll see.

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Bikram 10 day challenge: Half-way

Today's AM class was tough. I suspect that's always true at this studio, but I found it more difficult than last night's class.

I struggled through as long as I could (no straight leg head to knee for me. Just holding the foot, locking the leg, thanks). Eventually, I opted out of the first triangle pose, but after granting myself that respite, I pushed through all the other poses and I did several of the backbends at an actual "I'm trying" effort whereas before I've just been going through the motions 'til I felt certain I could finish the series.

When I wasn't desperately trying to regulate my nose breathing, I couldn't help but notice that a new student actually managed to leave the room in today's class.

After 5 consecutive days, and after wanting to do so myself, I've never seen anyone successfully do so.

There is mad group psychological pressure and tricks going on in Bikram. Make no mistake. They are geared to make you better in your practice, but they are strong, and not to be underestimated.

The instructor tried to convince her to stay, but eventually, the vulcan mind tricks that worked on me and convinced me to tough it out failed, and she escaped.

In an unfortunate coincidence for her, being new, she made the faux-pas of bringing her purse into the practice room, so she couldn't actually leave for good. And, in all honesty, she probably couldn't have left anyways, because this studio locks the front doors during the class (I wonder how this lines up with fire codes?).

At the end of the class, I was pleased to see the group of people encouraging the new student to come back. I'd been exactly behind her, and I'd watched her rest and try to engage through the remainder of the class once she'd been coaxed back into the room. I told her I'd almost puked my first class 5 days ago, but that I felt much better in the heat now, and that at this point I could make it through the entire series (or, almost, anyways).

I hope she comes back.

Either way, I'm impressed that I've done 5 days straight and I'm excited for the next 5.

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10 Day Bikram Challenge: Day 4

I learned from yesterday. I had a *very* light lunch and found it much easier to get through today's afternoon/evening class.

It was less crowded and I sat near the door for better access the cooling breeze, but overall, I was just stronger and better able to deal with the heat this time. When I made it through the entire standing series without opting out of any poses, I was fairly certain I could push through the floor series to finish all 52 poses for the first time in a very long time (and the very first time in such heat).

And, I did it.

The instructor, Mary, was very supportive when I thanked her for teaching such a great class and let her know that it was my first time through the whole thing without needing a break at this studio.

I'm hoping to keep this up for the remaining 6 days.

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Bikram 10-day Challenge: Day 3

Today's class was much more difficult than yesterday's.

First, despite the fact that I finished lunch almost 4 hours before class, the residual food and digestion did not treat me well (and I'd even specifically requested that my business meeting serve mediterranean food, hoping that veggie would be easier). I found I was much more likely to become nauseous in today's 4:30 - 6 PM class than I had in the 2 previous AM classes I'd attended with an empty belly.

Second, this class was crowded, so there was much more heat and humidity than the last one. Also, I arrived close to starting time, so I found a place in the corner, far from the cooling door of welcome breeze that is opened a few times to allow fresh air to bathe the practice. Talk about incentive to arrive earlier!

I did a very ugly bargaining about quitting/leaving with myself a few times.

I would have done so in the first class, but then, Cynthia Wehr, the owner, had me in her sights. She made it clear that she really wanted me to stay in the room and I didn't want to let her down, plus for no good reason I could identify, I inherently trusted that she wouldn't try to keep me there if I really couldn't handle it. After the class, on my way out, she confirmed that she was very happy I'd been able to stay in the room.

I've never had a yoga instructor who was so personally attuned to my struggle. I've also never struggled so much in a class. But that was then, Class 1.

This afternoon, class 3, she was not the instructor (she did her own practice), and I was not the new student targeted for special attention. So I struggled even more and the quitter/protector in me tried to convince the more committed one that I should leave a few times ("It's so hot... this can't be good for you." "40 More minutes? How can you possibly do that? Do you want to?" etc.).

Success. I stuck it out. 3 down. 7 to go.

And, thanks to the re-introduction to the practice at this local studio, I'm even more fascinated by the Bikram practice than ever before. In particular, I'm finding the lessons I learned in my other Yogic studies to be so much more powerful in the Bikram setting than they were in the normal (non-heated) yoga room.

The first time I did Bikram, I was *just* an ex-athlete. It was an awesomely demanding athletic endeavor. It drew me into yoga. I followed through and explored.

And now, after that exploration, I've got 8+ years of regular study of Ashtanga, Iyengar, Power-yoga, Vinyasa, restorative, yoga-shakti, blended-personal-whatever under my belt. I can reach deep and use tools I've built to work through the difficult stuff. And, I'm realizing, it's a good thing I can, because the original Bikram studio I attended was much less militant than Mountain View's.

I have no idea if I could have been a Bikram follower in the Mountain View studio without my previous studies. Of course, I see others in the classes that are clearly just meeting yoga for the first time, and they are inspired and committed, so perhaps I am unreasonable.

But, this time around, what I'm finding is, the heat is a ridiculous equalizer. My original introduction to Bikram was nowhere near as hot as this studio. It was perfect for me then (typically maxing out at 100F), but it didn't require anything close to what this studio requires (often maxing out at 108F). This studio puts me into survival mode and I drop all extraneous thoughts other than getting through the class and the occasionally self-aware thought about how I am doing, how my body frame looks in the mirror (and how to modify it), how I could probably push the current pose further, etc. There is just no space for thoughts about anything outside of my physical body.

If I'm honest, I have to admit that I made many more comparisons of myself against other students in a non-heated yoga room when I was developing a more "traditional" practice. I often felt pride in my flexibility, my strength, my ability to keep up with those doing teacher-trainings even though I wasn't.

But here... sheesh, I'm just happy I manage to stop myself from running out of the room screaming for cool air. Also, I find that I close my eyes in relaxing poses and when they remind us that Bikram is 90 minutes of eye-open meditation, I feel lazy. Because, damn, it feels so good to close your eyes and try to escape in the Shavasana before you have to start moving again... but no, this studio's Bikram is truly about forcing you to be present in a *very* *uncomofortable* reality.

For the first time ever in my yoga practice, I often catch myself *just* breathing with a calm mind (usually right before I freak out about how difficult the class is).

I feel like I'm learning more about myself, my honesty with myself about how uncomfortable I actually am in any given moment, and what I'm capable of than I've learned in a very long time.

Also, I'm just so grateful such a challenging practice opened so close to my home. In the locker room today, I chatted with a runner who had done her first Bikram class -- she asked me for confirmation, "I mean, this is harder than a half marathon, right?" I hadn't thought about it on those terms, but when challenged, I had to agree. If you don't put a pace goal on a half, and you just have to finish -- oh, hell yes, a Mountain View Bikram 90 minute yoga session is much harder (**full and fair disclosure, at your edge race pace, I think a half is probably slightly harder because you can slack between poses in the class, but that's not what this woman wanted to discuss**)

In short, I don't know where this will lead, but I fully expect to finish my 10-day self-challenge of Bikram and, given the benefits I've already experienced, I suspect I will be developing a long-term relationship with Bikram Yoga Mountain View.

(Today's pose summary: skipped 2nd triangle, 1st tree, 1st 1/2 lotus, 1st camel -- 48/52 completed. Touched my forehead to the ground in separate leg stretching and sat all the way down in fixed firm.)

Here's a video of how hardcore the owner is (a year ago, 3 years after she won the world yoga championship) to help you understand where some of my awe for this studio comes from:

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Bikram Challenge: Day 2

Today was much easier, no doubt partially due to the heat acclimatization from yesterday's sweat-stravaganza. Also, the class was much smaller, maybe half the size of yesterday's (less body heat). We probably maxed out around 107F, but most of the class was at 105-6.

The instructor from yesterday just took the class as a participant -- I can see why she was the 2007 World Yoga Champion. Yikes. I had no idea some of the poses could be extended so far.

I am happy to state that I attempted at least one of all of the 26 postures and made it through both of most of them.

I fell out of one of the standing bow-pulling poses and decided it was a good time to take a standing break. I also opted out of the second tree pose for a kneeling break. On the floor, I rested instead of doing (i) the 2nd half lotus pose (man, that pose is *very* physically demanding); and (ii) the first bow-pulling pose. Also, I only did 5 seconds of the first camel with just the slightest backward lean with my hands on my lower back. I managed the entire second camel, but again, only with the slightest backward lean with my hands on my lower back.

So, of the 52 poses, I was able to get through 47. Yesterday, I probably only made it through 40 or so. I'd be thrilled to be able to complete the entire series by the end of this 10-day series.

This morning, I wasn't too sore, but now I can feel it. I suspect tomorrow's class will be a different challenge with the added obstacle of soreness.

In an interesting alignment of my life with pop culture, I listened to William Broad's interview on Fresh Air about his new book The Science of Yoga.

I was pleased to learn that Bikram does not include the poses he found to be the most dangerous: inversions that place the neck under extreme pressure in unnatural bends such as plow or shoulder stand (which many of my prior yogic studies have incorporated in their finishing series).

I was also amused to learn that most forms of yoga slow the body down and, if all other variables remain unchanged, will result in weight gain, not weight loss. I can confirm that during class, Bikram does not slow the body down. I took my pulse several times during today's class and it was right where it is when I'm in the middle of a run.

Finally, I have to say that Bikram definitely results in one type of awareness that I don't get from other yoga studies. Staring at your body in a mirror while contorting yourself, sweating heavily, and wearing very little clothing for 90 minutes means that there's no way to kid yourself about your current state of fitness. You can see how much you are struggling. You can see the actual form of your body in the various poses. This is a nice dovetail with my 2012 goal to get down to racing weight. I can visually see that some of these poses are more difficult than they could be, partially because I have excess mass getting in the way.

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10-day Bikram Challenge: Day 1

I've done Bikram in the past and have always enjoyed it. It's a demanding workout and yet, you get the extra benefits of yoga (a breathing practice, some relaxation at the end, stretching). For some reason, I've been struggling with returning to my yoga practice, so when I saw that a new local Bikram studio had opened, I figured the answer was clear.

I'm amused at how different Bikram is from other forms of yoga. The copyright, the trademark, the owner control, the strict adherence to the timeline of 26 poses at a specific heat and humidity, the lawsuits against former instructors who try to go off on their own and modify the style, and, of course, the World Yoga Championship. I've read and heard many practitioners of more traditional yoga styles complain and speak poorly of Bikram.

But, for me, I have nothing bad to say -- it was a great gateway into yoga when I started my practice. It was much more like the sports I'd grown up with than traditional yoga, because the physical demands and the discipline are front and center as opposed to spirituality. Since I'm having such a hard time motivating to get back to a regular more traditional yoga practice, I figured if Bikram worked once, perhaps it would work again.

So, Yesterday, I started a 10-day Bikram Challenge. The deal I made with myself is that I have to show up for a class every day for 10 days.

Wow.

I've never gone to a Bikram studio this hardcore. The owner was the 2007 World Yoga Champion. She ran an amazing class yesterday and managed to motivate me to stay for the entire 90 minutes despite needing to kneel or lie down to opt out of at least 15% of the poses. The packed room often hit 108F. No one left. We all struggled through as best we could.

I now know why Bikram refers to his studios as "torture chambers."

I'm excited about this challenge. Yesterday's class showed me that I definitely haven't been pushing myself as much as I could physically. I pride myself on not getting injured and listening to my body. What yesterday's class showed me is that I definitely err far on the side of comfort when it comes to athletics. Showing up to struggle for 90 minutes on a daily basis is going to be great for me: physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Today, I'm a bit sore, but ready to return.

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Snippits from the South

The bathroom at ATL has Sharps containers. The explanation I received is that the incidence of diabetes is so high in this region that it is a public health necessity.

Yesterday, our lunch was at Waffle House. Today, E brought back Chick-Fil-A. These are the two things he claims to miss the most about the South, so we should be in good shape for a few days.

Yesterday, other than the obligatory Waffle House outing, E and I sat at our computers and silently worked all day in his childhood bedroom. Not too different from a Monday at our home office, actually.

Today, I woke early enough to attend a power yoga class at my favorite Atlanta yoga studio. It was a power yoga, and it was refreshing, in a way, to take a class that was so physical and focused very little on the spiritual, emotional, and mental aspects of yoga where my practice has been focused for the last 6 months.

Sometimes, it's nice just to mix it up. And this class was physically demanding unlike any yoga class I've taken in ages -- I was literally DRIPPING with sweat. At one point, I looked back at the thermostat and it read 102F. YIKES! Power yoga isn't supposed to be as hot as Bikram, but when it's a crowded class and 90F and 68% humidity outside, unless they turn on the air conditioner, I guess that's just what happens.

Interestingly, my last six months of advanced vinyasa once a week at the studio plus whatever I've been able to fit in on my own meant I was in much better shape for this type of practice than the last time I'd done it.

In fact, the instructor only led us through about half of the number of poses that my advanced vinyasa instructor leads us through in the same time period. I was tempted to feel like it was almost easy in comparison because I was able to hold all of the poses without falling out too much or needing to take a break.

But, no. When I finished I realized it wasn't actually easier at all. The exhaustion post class was much more than I'm used to. Probably because, um, my regular studio is typically around 70F. In an un-ecologically friendly non-stereotypically Californian fashion, my Californian yoga studio uses the air conditioner on hot days.

So, today's southern lesson is that a 32F increase in temperature (coupled with increased humidity) approximately halves the physical ability of my body.

Good to know.

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The Devil You Know

I read just about everything that Havi writes and often nod in agreement. Occasionally, I don't like what she's written and I have interesting conversations with myself about why.

Without ever having met me, she teaches me things about myself that I didn't know through her writing.

Her most recent posts on exiting the middle resonated with me.

For the few moments each day when I'm there, being conscious of the moment and acting where action makes sense (and only where action makes sense) is a blissful existence. Each day that goes by, I find myself more grounded and comfortable in the midst of chaos than I used to be. Incrementally, I'm a little bit more able to just act and breathe in the moment.

And yet, every day. I get pulled into drama. I dwell. I get upset. I work myself up.

And then, eventually, I observe this, and try not to judge, but just notice what I'm doing by asking myself questions and giving myself the freedom to be honest. Where am I? Why am I upset? What can I change? What can't I change? What do I want? Why do I want it? Is it a need? Is there something I can give myself to meet that need?

Havi's concept of the middle, where a post-beginner *struggles* to become advanced, or where the hero *struggles* to prevail, where one partner *struggles* to fix the relationship, where each of us *struggles* against the people in our lives we perceive to have harmed us, and most importantly, we *struggle* against who we think we should be -- it is a comfortable place for most of us. It is the devil we know.

Acceptance requires that we abandon the struggle and just act in response to the reality that exists, no matter how different from our ideas, annoying, terrible, unpleasant, distasteful, scary, or boring we may find it to be. If we cannot make the change we want to see, we make a different change, or perhaps accept that no change is available.

As I've written before, my yoga practice has evolved from one where I was seeking great teachers and amazing classes (against which I could struggle) into one where I find a great yoga experience in any class I take or any time I opt to practice, no matter how short it may be.

But unlike a studio-based yoga practice (which provides a supportive calm environment for growth and change) in the real world, actions based in acceptance are guaranteed to cause unpredictable, and potentially uncomfortable, changes.

Most humans, even if supremely unhappy, will always choose the devil they know. This explains why so many of us stay in, as Havi calls it, the "Middle."

How great to be reminded that to exit the middle is as simple as becoming conscious. This is not to say the exit is guaranteed to be pleasant -- it very well may be an unpleasant devil you don't know. But, at a minimum, it will be different, and you will not be *stuck* in the same *struggle*.

Fascinating stuff.

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It Gets Harder

Yoga is unlike any *sport* I've ever done.

I've had a pseduo-regular yoga practice for about 10 years. And a pseudo-zen philsophical practice for a little less than 20 years.

In the last 3 years or so, I've tried to step up my commitment to yoga and combine it with my zen practice as well. Recently, as a result of starting my own law practice (I'm practicing quite a bit these days!) and managing my own schedule, I've been able to return to a regular studio-based yoga practice -- which is awesome.

The thing about Yoga that is completely different from any other regular physical activity in which I've engaged is that the longer I practice, the more difficult it becomes.

Not in a bad way.

Quite the opposite.

It's just that with every additional day of practice, I learn more things I can focus on, pay attention to, and isolate in each pose.

As a result, I now find even the most basic class to be very difficult.

When I started, I only sought out advanced classes because it was the only way I could exhaust myself into a state of relaxation. Now, I can take an hour long class for people who have never done yoga that allows for many rest breaks and never deviates from the basic fundamental poses and I'll still find it challenging and rewarding. In fact, sometimes I find myself dripping with sweat in these basic classes even more than in a more advance class, as a result of breathing deep yoga breaths, paying attention to where my mind is, where my eyes are focused, and what the various muscle groups are doing because they hold the poses for so long while allowing the new students to get used to them.

Today, I've found that no matter what type of class I take, if I go to the studio, by the finishing sequence I'm always exhausted and relaxed.

I find it very comforting to realize that this is a practice that I will be able to have for the rest of my life. The well-rounded combination of a mental, spiritual, and physical practice means that even when I am very old or sick I will be able to find some aspect of the practice to challenge me.

I am grateful.

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