You Take Yourself Too Seriously

If your auto-response looks something (nay anything) like the following.

(Parentheticals are all mine).
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Unfortunately (for you, the person responding to my email asking you to do something for me), I only see about half of the 400-600 emails I get every day. (600! Seriously! I get that many emails a day! Can you imagine? I AM SO IMPORTANT!)

If I have not replied to you within 48 hours (I know you'll be counting), chances are that your email is lost in my inbox (but what an honor, really, to be lost in the awesomeness that is my mailbox).

The best way to reach me is to call or text me at: +1 650 867-5309 (Don't you love that song? And also, did you think I was going to respond?  Hah!  It'll just go to voicemail or auto-text-responder.  Duh!)

If you sent an email with attachments (because I, like you, care about documents.  No seriously.  I have heard that documents are important.  And if you're a laywer or a business person I've asked to prepare documents because I actually want to formally record the business deal I think I've got, I do think the docs are important. Or, I should. I mean, *obviously*, they're not important enough to result in me managing my email or even *gasp* hiring someone to do that for me. But I want you to know I think attachments are important. Sort of. Because if they are, then you can manage my email todo list for me. See? Aren't I smart?), to be sure I see it (because, I'm sure you are dying to be sure that I do see your work and respond to it.  Do you know how many people *never* even get a response from me?), text me your name and the date you sent the email.

Cheers,
*Name omitted
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Gag me with a spoon.