10 Day Bikram Challenge: Day 4

I learned from yesterday. I had a *very* light lunch and found it much easier to get through today's afternoon/evening class.

It was less crowded and I sat near the door for better access the cooling breeze, but overall, I was just stronger and better able to deal with the heat this time. When I made it through the entire standing series without opting out of any poses, I was fairly certain I could push through the floor series to finish all 52 poses for the first time in a very long time (and the very first time in such heat).

And, I did it.

The instructor, Mary, was very supportive when I thanked her for teaching such a great class and let her know that it was my first time through the whole thing without needing a break at this studio.

I'm hoping to keep this up for the remaining 6 days.

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Bikram 10-day Challenge: Day 3

Today's class was much more difficult than yesterday's.

First, despite the fact that I finished lunch almost 4 hours before class, the residual food and digestion did not treat me well (and I'd even specifically requested that my business meeting serve mediterranean food, hoping that veggie would be easier). I found I was much more likely to become nauseous in today's 4:30 - 6 PM class than I had in the 2 previous AM classes I'd attended with an empty belly.

Second, this class was crowded, so there was much more heat and humidity than the last one. Also, I arrived close to starting time, so I found a place in the corner, far from the cooling door of welcome breeze that is opened a few times to allow fresh air to bathe the practice. Talk about incentive to arrive earlier!

I did a very ugly bargaining about quitting/leaving with myself a few times.

I would have done so in the first class, but then, Cynthia Wehr, the owner, had me in her sights. She made it clear that she really wanted me to stay in the room and I didn't want to let her down, plus for no good reason I could identify, I inherently trusted that she wouldn't try to keep me there if I really couldn't handle it. After the class, on my way out, she confirmed that she was very happy I'd been able to stay in the room.

I've never had a yoga instructor who was so personally attuned to my struggle. I've also never struggled so much in a class. But that was then, Class 1.

This afternoon, class 3, she was not the instructor (she did her own practice), and I was not the new student targeted for special attention. So I struggled even more and the quitter/protector in me tried to convince the more committed one that I should leave a few times ("It's so hot... this can't be good for you." "40 More minutes? How can you possibly do that? Do you want to?" etc.).

Success. I stuck it out. 3 down. 7 to go.

And, thanks to the re-introduction to the practice at this local studio, I'm even more fascinated by the Bikram practice than ever before. In particular, I'm finding the lessons I learned in my other Yogic studies to be so much more powerful in the Bikram setting than they were in the normal (non-heated) yoga room.

The first time I did Bikram, I was *just* an ex-athlete. It was an awesomely demanding athletic endeavor. It drew me into yoga. I followed through and explored.

And now, after that exploration, I've got 8+ years of regular study of Ashtanga, Iyengar, Power-yoga, Vinyasa, restorative, yoga-shakti, blended-personal-whatever under my belt. I can reach deep and use tools I've built to work through the difficult stuff. And, I'm realizing, it's a good thing I can, because the original Bikram studio I attended was much less militant than Mountain View's.

I have no idea if I could have been a Bikram follower in the Mountain View studio without my previous studies. Of course, I see others in the classes that are clearly just meeting yoga for the first time, and they are inspired and committed, so perhaps I am unreasonable.

But, this time around, what I'm finding is, the heat is a ridiculous equalizer. My original introduction to Bikram was nowhere near as hot as this studio. It was perfect for me then (typically maxing out at 100F), but it didn't require anything close to what this studio requires (often maxing out at 108F). This studio puts me into survival mode and I drop all extraneous thoughts other than getting through the class and the occasionally self-aware thought about how I am doing, how my body frame looks in the mirror (and how to modify it), how I could probably push the current pose further, etc. There is just no space for thoughts about anything outside of my physical body.

If I'm honest, I have to admit that I made many more comparisons of myself against other students in a non-heated yoga room when I was developing a more "traditional" practice. I often felt pride in my flexibility, my strength, my ability to keep up with those doing teacher-trainings even though I wasn't.

But here... sheesh, I'm just happy I manage to stop myself from running out of the room screaming for cool air. Also, I find that I close my eyes in relaxing poses and when they remind us that Bikram is 90 minutes of eye-open meditation, I feel lazy. Because, damn, it feels so good to close your eyes and try to escape in the Shavasana before you have to start moving again... but no, this studio's Bikram is truly about forcing you to be present in a *very* *uncomofortable* reality.

For the first time ever in my yoga practice, I often catch myself *just* breathing with a calm mind (usually right before I freak out about how difficult the class is).

I feel like I'm learning more about myself, my honesty with myself about how uncomfortable I actually am in any given moment, and what I'm capable of than I've learned in a very long time.

Also, I'm just so grateful such a challenging practice opened so close to my home. In the locker room today, I chatted with a runner who had done her first Bikram class -- she asked me for confirmation, "I mean, this is harder than a half marathon, right?" I hadn't thought about it on those terms, but when challenged, I had to agree. If you don't put a pace goal on a half, and you just have to finish -- oh, hell yes, a Mountain View Bikram 90 minute yoga session is much harder (**full and fair disclosure, at your edge race pace, I think a half is probably slightly harder because you can slack between poses in the class, but that's not what this woman wanted to discuss**)

In short, I don't know where this will lead, but I fully expect to finish my 10-day self-challenge of Bikram and, given the benefits I've already experienced, I suspect I will be developing a long-term relationship with Bikram Yoga Mountain View.

(Today's pose summary: skipped 2nd triangle, 1st tree, 1st 1/2 lotus, 1st camel -- 48/52 completed. Touched my forehead to the ground in separate leg stretching and sat all the way down in fixed firm.)

Here's a video of how hardcore the owner is (a year ago, 3 years after she won the world yoga championship) to help you understand where some of my awe for this studio comes from:

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Bikram Challenge: Day 2

Today was much easier, no doubt partially due to the heat acclimatization from yesterday's sweat-stravaganza. Also, the class was much smaller, maybe half the size of yesterday's (less body heat). We probably maxed out around 107F, but most of the class was at 105-6.

The instructor from yesterday just took the class as a participant -- I can see why she was the 2007 World Yoga Champion. Yikes. I had no idea some of the poses could be extended so far.

I am happy to state that I attempted at least one of all of the 26 postures and made it through both of most of them.

I fell out of one of the standing bow-pulling poses and decided it was a good time to take a standing break. I also opted out of the second tree pose for a kneeling break. On the floor, I rested instead of doing (i) the 2nd half lotus pose (man, that pose is *very* physically demanding); and (ii) the first bow-pulling pose. Also, I only did 5 seconds of the first camel with just the slightest backward lean with my hands on my lower back. I managed the entire second camel, but again, only with the slightest backward lean with my hands on my lower back.

So, of the 52 poses, I was able to get through 47. Yesterday, I probably only made it through 40 or so. I'd be thrilled to be able to complete the entire series by the end of this 10-day series.

This morning, I wasn't too sore, but now I can feel it. I suspect tomorrow's class will be a different challenge with the added obstacle of soreness.

In an interesting alignment of my life with pop culture, I listened to William Broad's interview on Fresh Air about his new book The Science of Yoga.

I was pleased to learn that Bikram does not include the poses he found to be the most dangerous: inversions that place the neck under extreme pressure in unnatural bends such as plow or shoulder stand (which many of my prior yogic studies have incorporated in their finishing series).

I was also amused to learn that most forms of yoga slow the body down and, if all other variables remain unchanged, will result in weight gain, not weight loss. I can confirm that during class, Bikram does not slow the body down. I took my pulse several times during today's class and it was right where it is when I'm in the middle of a run.

Finally, I have to say that Bikram definitely results in one type of awareness that I don't get from other yoga studies. Staring at your body in a mirror while contorting yourself, sweating heavily, and wearing very little clothing for 90 minutes means that there's no way to kid yourself about your current state of fitness. You can see how much you are struggling. You can see the actual form of your body in the various poses. This is a nice dovetail with my 2012 goal to get down to racing weight. I can visually see that some of these poses are more difficult than they could be, partially because I have excess mass getting in the way.

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10-day Bikram Challenge: Day 1

I've done Bikram in the past and have always enjoyed it. It's a demanding workout and yet, you get the extra benefits of yoga (a breathing practice, some relaxation at the end, stretching). For some reason, I've been struggling with returning to my yoga practice, so when I saw that a new local Bikram studio had opened, I figured the answer was clear.

I'm amused at how different Bikram is from other forms of yoga. The copyright, the trademark, the owner control, the strict adherence to the timeline of 26 poses at a specific heat and humidity, the lawsuits against former instructors who try to go off on their own and modify the style, and, of course, the World Yoga Championship. I've read and heard many practitioners of more traditional yoga styles complain and speak poorly of Bikram.

But, for me, I have nothing bad to say -- it was a great gateway into yoga when I started my practice. It was much more like the sports I'd grown up with than traditional yoga, because the physical demands and the discipline are front and center as opposed to spirituality. Since I'm having such a hard time motivating to get back to a regular more traditional yoga practice, I figured if Bikram worked once, perhaps it would work again.

So, Yesterday, I started a 10-day Bikram Challenge. The deal I made with myself is that I have to show up for a class every day for 10 days.

Wow.

I've never gone to a Bikram studio this hardcore. The owner was the 2007 World Yoga Champion. She ran an amazing class yesterday and managed to motivate me to stay for the entire 90 minutes despite needing to kneel or lie down to opt out of at least 15% of the poses. The packed room often hit 108F. No one left. We all struggled through as best we could.

I now know why Bikram refers to his studios as "torture chambers."

I'm excited about this challenge. Yesterday's class showed me that I definitely haven't been pushing myself as much as I could physically. I pride myself on not getting injured and listening to my body. What yesterday's class showed me is that I definitely err far on the side of comfort when it comes to athletics. Showing up to struggle for 90 minutes on a daily basis is going to be great for me: physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Today, I'm a bit sore, but ready to return.

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Failed: Fast, Early, Better (Working on often)

E and I were discussing the roots of the "Fail early, Fail often, Fail better, Fail fast" meme of Silicon Valley tonight.

I suggested that it must have started with Beckett:

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. -- Westward Ho, 1983.

E suggested it was a riff on the storied political phrase:

Vote Early, Vote Often.

The truth is likely somewhere in between. E had no idea of the Beckett quote, and my only exposure to the political phrase was thanks to Gangs of New York.

We are a good sample for the edges of Silicon Valley (him, on the super-techy-bleeding-edge side, me on the blend of semi-related fields with tech side).

The fact that a combination of both of our suggested sources is necessary to get to the full meme hints at how we much we need seemingly unrelated intellectual neighbors to get to the heart of the mash-up hack-it 'til it works culture of Silicon Valley.

But, to bring it back to the completely personal level, I just want to talk about my failure today. I failed early and fast. I was supposed to run the Kaiser Half Marathon. My training hadn't been fabulous, but last weekend's 10-miler with several long mile-plus track intervals in the middle convinced me that a 2-hour-ish half marathon was not going to be a problem today.

It started well (aka fast). 8:55 for the first mile. 8:44 pace for the second (this felt too aggressive, so I hit the lap button at 1.8 and backed off, telling running buddy H that I'd see her speedy self at the finish and letting my breath come back to me).

Unfortunately, once I slowed, I realized I needed a restroom, stat. Typically, this is something race organizers have planned for. But not this race. I'll spare you the details, but after 15 minutes of hoping the next corner would have an aid station with bathrooms, I had to re-route my course. Once that was done, I realized I needed to get to the finish in an unreasonable amount of time to keep my other social obligations for the day.

So, I accepted failure somewhere around 4.6 miles in (early). I ducked under the tape and jumped into the 5K lane. My 4+ mile loop wasn't included in their course, so I had about 2 miles to go to hit the 3.1 goal. They were all walkers. Mainly families with children, either in strollers or toddling along. Some families pushing elders in wheelchairs. It was a side of the running/walking community I've never interacted with and I couldn't believe how awesomely supportive they all were of one another (yelling back and forth as they zigged and zagged between running and jogging). Also, many of them cheered for me as I passed them in my constant run. In particular, parents encouraged their children to try to keep up with me for a couple of minutes.

I felt so lucky to experience such a gorgeous day in Golden Gate park with such a supportive group of people. Middle of the pack runners who don't fail never see this.

I ran those short few miles at approximately my goal half marathon pace and crossed the 5K finish line with the *slowest* officially recorded 5K I've *ever* completed (I was surprised to see that they didn't count my first loop on the electronic chip and just tallied my start and finish times for a 5K time).

In short, I totally failed. And it felt awesome.

Plus, I was able to cheer all half marathon finishers for the first 2h15m. Watching the winners and early finishers struggle was inspirational. The pure physicality of the men running 1h07m half marathons and the women running 1h18m was impressive. Come to think of it, the reason I couldn't tear myself away 'til 2h15 is that *everyone* was inspirational, from the age group leaders to the eldest healthy folks with their altered gaits but triumphant "I am still a finisher" arms held high to the skinny young men and women kicking past 5 competitors on the last 100 uphill yards -- all of it, was inspirational beyond belief.

So yeah. I failed to reach my goal today. But in allowing myself to do so, I learned more about the running community (particularly the bay area running culture and its various historic races and running clubs) than I'd over known.

And, truly, my body made it very clear it didn't want to do the half today, so while I could have forced it, if I had, I wouldn't have failed early or fast (you know, the graceful kind of failure, when, as soon as it's unavoidable, you admit things aren't going in the right direction and you do something else).

Had I not listened to my body, I might not have failed at all. I likely would have just finished slowly, which means I surely couldn't have failed often (as today is only the Second time I've opted to DNF, and I'm led to believe often requires at least 2 or more.)

And, most importantly, I *definitely* wouldn't have failed better.

I am so grateful for my experience today. The weather was perfect. 4 miles on the half course with dedicated runners opened up a great workout for me. 2+ closing out on the 5K course showed me parts of the running community that made me feel proud and grateful, and watching the finishers was irreplaceable.

Meeting up with H at the end (congrats to her on the 1:48!) and walking back to her car for 2.5+ miles while chatting and catching up reminded me that sometimes, regardless of the failed goals, showing up is all that matters for true success. So, I failed on some metrics. If only every one of my failures could come alongside lessons and alternate successes like these (all beneath perfect weather while walking through one of the most beautiful parks in the world)...

To more failure! Onward!

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Hippy-Dippy

Arvay, I see your tofu eggplant stir-fry over rice with random green bits and raise you last night's left over Saag Paneer over rice with tonight's shiitake mushroom brown lentils.



Like Arvay, food like this is *not* part of my heritage. And yet, here we are.

The Berkeley. She is strong.

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Permission

After months of limping along by running a hard drive diagnostic post-blue screen (which, for some completely unexplained reason appeared to quell the repeat-blue-screen-loop), today, on the third blue-screen of the day, I succumbed.

My laptop is at Computer Care. I'm working from an Asus EE netbook.

Better than nothing? You bet. Close to my normal set up? Even with Dropbox and USB keys of backups, not even close.

Slow and hard to get work done. Easier to waste time on the internet while things load/process/etc.

Suffice it to say, today's day of no calls and many documents to be edited did not go according to plan. I spent too much time on random internet shit (essentially forgiving myself for the waste) and then...

Healthy night was canceled in favor of Fiesta Del Mar.

See, in my spare time today, while waiting for documents to sync from back-up and being frustrated with technology, between internet ridiculousness, I managed to schedule a couple of contractors to stop by.

Oh joy! I learned our bathroom is even more screwed than we thought (the two different sets of tiles in the shower? Yeah, that's evidence of a prior quick fix where they recognized water damage and decided to hide it.) The remodel will *not* be cheap. And since the master bedroom was destroyed to the point of non-functionality, it's not like we can avoid the expenditure.

Thanks, prior owner guy -- your decision to go completely non-professional DIY and drop a pseudo sub-floor on a patio, plumb it, wall it up, drop tile against the drywall without any mortar and call it a master bathroom definitely increased the purchase price in your favor, too bad for us that since purchase it's been destroyed by the one-two punch of water/steam/fungus damage (no fan or airflow? Why would you need that?), and subterranean termites who had easy access since you just dropped the wooden subfloor against the outside dirt around the house.

The contractor actually admitted feeling sorry for us today, "Normally, I don't take on things this ugly. It never turns out well in the end. There's always something else I discover that's been done with cut corners that's fucked up and needs to be fixed and the homeowners are never happy to learn of it."

Yikes.

Not a great day. But, I gave myself permission to slack. I had a ridiculous todo list. I didn't get through 30% of it. And all due to first world problems. I'm working on being totally okay with what that is.

Which means, if I am honest with myself, overall, educational about things I might have preferred to ignore, but not really a bad day.

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