Awesome Visitor

Brother came to stay for a short visit.

Yesterday, he did a roof inspection and gave us the awesome news that the drips we had been worried about could be easily fixed with a small bucket of tar in less than a day.

When we found out we had surprise dinner guests from out of town, he volunteered to be our chef, making barbeque tri-tip, barbeque artichokes (an awesome innovation), and barbequed potatoes & mushrooms. Yummm.

Last night, after the guests left, I lay on the couch with my belly full of food, with my head and shoulders cuddled up on E & Brother just below my feet. Content beyond belief, I fell asleep to one of my dad's favorite movies.

Today, Brother's going to patch the roof and then head home.

Am I a spoiled sister, or what?

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Delicious Disaster

The dinner plans called for salad with artichokes from our plant on the side, with dippings pre-prepared.

What could possibly go wrong? OH, I have 2 ideas:

1. The Aphids love the artichokes. We have not beaten them back. The neem oil is insufficient. We may have to cut all fruit, aggressively wash the plant and treat with soapy water, or garlic water, or serious chemicals, depending on who we listen to. Regardless, despite our harvest, we did not have 2 healthy non-bugg-ified artichokes for dinner. We had one.

2. The gorgeous romaine lettuce I bought at Draegers when Arvay was here? Yeah, it molded. And not a little bit. Think, "wow, that looks like cotton candy on the side of that lettuce... that is so weird..."

So, instead, I boiled the one remaining artichoke in onion cuttings and a last minute addition of olive oil, salt and black pepper for 40 minutes, then added Quinoa (which E had never had, and proclaimed, "weird, but oddly good") and the remaining sauces we used for dipping the artichokes when Arvay was here (read: mainly mustards and butter).

At the end of the day, it was quite good. And it tasted healthy. So, if you get a chance, enjoy:


-1 cup red quinoa
-1 artichoke, top cut off, washed
-4 cups water (or more)
-2 T salt (or so)
-2 T black pepper (or so)
-4 T mixed butter, lemon juice, and mustards

1. Boil artichoke in water for 40 minutes. Add olive oil to artichoke at 20 minutes or so.
2. Add quinoa, salt, pepper to water and continue to cook for 10 minutes.
3. Add butter, lemon juice & mustard mix and boil remaining liquids from the quinoa
4. Serve 2 bowls of quinoa, each topped in 1/2 of the split, cooked artichoke (contrary to what many cookbooks will tell you -- artichokes from a plant often need to be boiled/steamed for 1 hour +).

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The Painful Truth

Sometimes, you have to listen to people you care say things about you that hurt.

Your job is to listen to these things and to grow, and become a better person. Not to focus on how hurtful it is. Not to challenge them and ask why they felt the need to hurt you. Because, really, they are giving you an opportunity that others wouldn't give you. Others would take the easy way out and let you continue in your destructive patterns without challenging you. So, if you are honest with yourself, you have to be thankful.

But damn... wouldn't it be great if there was a way to have the growth without the painful reality?

Anyways...

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The Social Professional

I've been networking like crazy lately -- it's something I let fall by the wayside the first few years of my practice, so I'm trying to make up for lost time. I've been meeting with lawyers of all levels of experience from contract attorneys, to solos, to attorneys at small, medium, and large firms, to attorneys who are in-house, to government attorneys.

The practice of law varies quite a bit -- there are myriad ways to have a career within it, and all of the different personalities I've spoken with have found different ways to make the career work for them.

Most recently, I went to 2-hour lunch with female partner who had left my law firm to be a partner at a much larger firm. Because of her time at my firm, she had wonderful insights and helpful suggestions on how to be happier and succeed at my firm (and she was excited to share them with me!). Also, I could be more candid with her about my experiences and concerns because she doesn't have a vested interest that aligns with the firm anymore.

Finally, I've found a more senior female mentor who wants to be involved in helping me grow my career. Hurrah! [As an interesting aside, I never seemed to have trouble finding women to play that role when I was an engineer -- despite the facts that (i) women make up more than half the law school grads and only about 25% of engineering school grads and (ii) the average engineer is significantly more introverted than the average attorney.]

I'm not sure why I was reminded of this, but recently, I thought back to an unfortunate incident that happened when I was about 2 years out of college. A guy I'd studied with as an undergraduate had interviewed with my company at my recommendation after he had been laid off. He'd been a casual friend, and I'd wanted to help him out. Several months later, he sent me a creepy hand-written letter professing his love for me and his anger that my new boyfriend at the time (E) was in my life.

I was surprised and annoyed. But, worse, he sent an email to my boss at the time asking if he had obtained the "boss seal of approval" despite not getting the job offer because he "knew that I respected my boss's opinion." My boss, obviously, was also surprised, and asked me what the hell the e-mail was all about.

Embarrassed, angry, and looking for some more experienced advice on how to handle this situation, I called my uncle, a high-level executive at a tech company. His initial response was not what I was expecting:

Oh. That's bad. You don't want to get a reputation as a woman who has stalkers. That is very unprofessional. You need to get rid of this situation, ASAP.

At the time, I thought his response was callous and a bit insensitive. *OF COURSE* I needed to get rid of the situation, duh! But, why is it *MY FAULT* that I had a stalker? Why would it be considered *UNPROFESSIONAL*?

Didn't really matter though -- I sent creepy-letter-guy a curt response explaining that despite the advice of many people I respected who had read the creepy letter, I was not sending it to the police, yet (but that those folks had copies and knew where he lived and if anything bad happened to me, he was going to be suspect #1). Rather than file charges, I explained to him that his behavior was absolutely unacceptable and I wanted nothing to do with him. I wrote that if he ever contacted me or anyone else about me again, I would have no choice but to consider it an aggressive act of stalking and would have to press charges.

I never heard from him again.

Now, after several years of professional experience under my belt, I think I understand what my uncle was getting at (although I still think he could have been a bit more empathetic and supportive in the delivery of his message).

There are people who regularly bring their personal drama to work and share it with everyone, including colleagues who are uncomfortable with the intimate details they feel are none of their business. Some of these people appear to believe that by sharing their personal issues, others in the workplace are now bonded to them and should help them accomplish their job responsibilities in the face of their problems. (Group 1)

In contrast, there are others who go through very difficult issues (death of a loved one, miscarriages, family problems, divorce, serious illnesses) and share the issues only with their close friends at work, if anyone, unless it's unavoidable. They do their best to accomplish their responsibilities despite their personal issues, and if they do need help, more often than not, they quietly go through official channels to get it. (Group 2)

I think my uncle was trying to say,

Because someone you brought into the workplace is creating drama around you, you look like you belong to the first group. To the extent you have the opportunity to control the situation, it's usually better, professionally, to do so in a way that makes you belong to the second group.

Certainly, this is the dominant paradigm in all companies and environments where I've worked, even as a teenager. From a purely business efficiency standpoint, it makes perfect sense.

But, I do have a nagging suspicion of sexism (or perhaps just general unfairness) when I think about the reality that the workplace doesn't reward people for being open with their personal lives, and, may actually punish them for doing so. The sexism suspicion stems from the perception (true or not) that women are more likely to experience emotional issues and need to share them, discuss them, and openly deal with them than men. I, however, don't belong to that group of women. I am an intensely private person and if I need to discuss personal issues, will seek out my long-term close friends for support. So maybe this isn't a sexism thing, and rather is unfair to extroverts of a certain type.

I don't mind when people are open with their issues so long as I can leave the room without repercussions if the details make me uncomfortable and so long as they get their work done without expecting that others will help them out.

Unfortunately, the group of folks who share their issues and then expect that others will step in to help them may have poisoned the well for those people who merely need the emotional outlet, but don't need any additional professional support. Because, whether or not it's fair or sexist, in my professional experience, the folks in group one are perceived as less likely to be dependable in the workplace.

What do you think?

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June Showers

Tonight, it broke into a 10-minute loud rain that stopped all conversation around 9 PM.

June? Heavy rain? In Silicon Valley?

Crazy. And yet, true.

Just now, it started lightly showering again.

Weird.

The plants should be happy.

Update (23:42 PST): The heavy rains are back... this is so odd.

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LOOK!



Tomatoes! (even on plants that have gotten a wee bit sick -- see the purple tint to the stem and leaves? Bummer.)

The garden has grown quite a bit (and ideally, will grow much faster now that I fertilized with fish/kelp emulsion 'cause my plants were just not as green as most of my friends' plants...).

As you may recall, it started out like this:



A month later, it looked like this:



And now, 2 weeks later, we've got this:



The biggest tomato so far is a little 1 inch diameter fruit, hanging off of Brandywine Red Lantis (I have no idea what the Lantis stands for, that's just what Cynthia called it):



And much to my surprise, the most prolific fruit producer, in terms of total mass so far has been White Oxheart. Weird. I would have thought some of the earlier maturing varieties would be kicking its butt at this stage.

In the meantime, while we salivate over the future tomatoes, we get to enjoy good stuff while we wait:



The fruits of the ridiculously prolific artichoke plant, the mint (which we transplanted out of the raised beds because it was taking over and threatening Gold Nugget), baby basil leaves, the end of the parseley, and the first garlic to fall over, which has now been hung to dry.

Other than that, the garden is coming along as gardens do. We've got aphids. We've got some fungus. We've got ladybugs, bees, earwigs, and worms. I spent several hours on Sunday fertilizing, pruning, tying tomato plants to stakes, and harvesting. The plants appeared to very much appreciate it in less than 24 hours, which is very gratifying.

G & C gave us a cucumber seedling that is infinitely superior to the one remaining living cuke I'm nursing along (I planted 2, one died). I think, if there's one thing I learned this year, it's that seedlings don't like direct sun until they are a little bigger than the first true leaves. Oh, and that I probably should have watered the seedlings more while they were small. So I'll be planting that cucumber and taking out a couple of squash plants to give to them in return.

Finally, I made a Worm Castings Tea and plan to spray tomorrow in the hopes that it will help ward of pests and encourage additional growth.

Oh, and E (with the help of C) built me a new compost box in the back yard. Our plastic bin is completely full of black gold. I turned it and watered it on Sunday and found that the only identifiable matter were some egg shell pieces. The rest was just dark, almost tar-colored, soft dirt-like soil. I can't wait to use it for the winter garden! Finally, after 3 years of composting...

Because the bin is full, we've been donating our kitchen scraps to the city compost, but I wanted to save them and use them in the soil. Thankfully, E & C were in a handy mood after the afternoon at the Maker Faire. So now we have a new two-cell compost bin made of pressure-treated wood. Yay!

In short, the gardening hobby grows. Literally. And we're having much fun.

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40 Years

This weekend my sister and I helped host my Mom's retirement party.

She was a teacher for 40 years (with a couple of years in the middle where she took a break to run her own business and do some child-rearing).

Over 200 people came to the party, most of whom took a turn at the microphone to speak about how she had helped them and made their lives better.

One of the speakers was a man who had been a student of hers when he was in a car accident and then a coma for 45 days. When he woke, he had a diminished memory and couldn't speak. He couldn't remember many things, but he remembered my mom. And after he finished physical therapy for over a year, he returned to her classroom with a speak-and-spell (he still couldn't talk) to finish high-school and graduate.

I couldn't help but think that it was highly unlikely that my retirement party would be anything like it. No matter how good I am, have been, or will be at the jobs I've done, am doing or will do -- I probably won't have a positive professional impact on anywhere near as many people as she did.

Teaching really is a noble profession.

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